Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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