You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
40s are totally the cure
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
