I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
