babies were throwing up all over the place
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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