Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
