That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
