I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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