Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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