girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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