I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
