kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
