You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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