talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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