I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
