dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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