Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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