That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day