Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again