Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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