She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
