You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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