We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
