I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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