My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
