The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
