Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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