my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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