The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize