I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
