just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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