Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
