Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Randomize
