This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
