When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
In America we eat man semen.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
