So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
