when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
