why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
