tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
from now on my penis is your penis
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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