Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
it's great music for shaving your balls
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
