erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
