he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
