upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
