if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
