I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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