How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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