i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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