I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
did you just send me my own nude
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
