He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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