Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
