and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
