Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i've created a new STD.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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