Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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