Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
