I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
well, you know. whores of a feather.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
