I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
