"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
