i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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