just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
