Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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