Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
