i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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