I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Best friends brother. Beat that.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
