hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
