i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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