New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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