I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
