Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
