Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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