imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
