im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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