I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
