WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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