why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
