Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
