Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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