Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
