I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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