It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
