I puked a lego.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
