So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
