Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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