Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
