Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
His nipple licking is glorious
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