so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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