hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
