we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
