so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
