Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.

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(970): View more from Colorado

He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me

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(330): View more from Ohio

I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.

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(408): View more from California

his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat

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(606): View more from Kentucky

He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.

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