Im at strip club and am horny
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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