Did you just see the Batmobile???
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
