i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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