I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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